In My Shoes

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Today I have decided to leave my beauty posts a bit behind and share with you what I have been up to lately. Sounds weird ? Well it is time to seat back, relax and talk about me a little bit.

If you are following me around on social medias you have already realized that I don’t share a lot. There is a main reason to that : I am not ready ! And in fact I like my privacy. I have started my youtube channel (ndlr A Cupcake in London) almost a year ago and I didn’t really got the respond I was looking for. I don’t even know what kind of respond I was looking for to be fair. I like watching beauty youtuber and I thought “Girl you can do it” and I did it.

The more I look back, the more I am proud of myself. It is probably really silly because I don’t have that many people watching my videos or reading my blog but I don’t care. I do like my blog for the very first reason a blog is made for : an online diary. So I like to open it, free my moods and emotions and close it when I don’t need it. I am not looking for fame, followers or love. Well don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a community to exchange with but it simply didn’t happen and well I am ok. Really I am ok.

Now I don’t know if I want to fight and get everything to another level or if I want to remain me and blog or making youtube videos in my tiny corner on the web. Really hard decision. It is truly a passion, I love creating, editing, finding ideas and of course interacting with people. Honestly there is so much talented people that it is very overwhelming sometimes. I am a very bubbly and open person in public, I am the loudest, sarcastic chick that never shut up but in real in my intimacy I am quite  shy so when that privacy is taken away well I just shut myself completely.

It is also very hard for me to carry on doing something. That is one of the reason why I am very proud of myself. I am still here, no matter if no one knows, I KNOW! So it is a big step for me. But I truly believe, deep down that I have more to offer and that I need to express myself and share.

I don’t know why exactly I am sharing tonight, I guess I have been  under a lot of pressure at work lately so I am very tired (big time!) so my brain is probably over working. But I do love my job, truly it is a great company and my team is awesome in so many ways. Nevertheless, something is missing.

Summer is just around the corner, sales have started and yet I feel that a piece of the puzzle is missing. Is there something wrong with the way I am doing things ? Do I have to change something ? I don’t know, I guess I will carry on doing what I doing right now, making myself happy.

It is a very self centered blogpost but I deeply believe that we all have those thoughts at some point no matter what is our job, hobby or situation. I guess I need some sleep, one day to go and the week end is mine. Big week end with a lot of videos, blogpost and personal work. I will keep on updating you via Instagram and Pinterest because those are my two favorite platforms. For some reasons I do not get twitter, I am bored very quickly.

Now I am going to shut up and let you go, maybe it was boring for you but I feel so relaxed now. Hope those few (many) words helped you because sometimes we all need a little self esteem boooooostttt!

Love you all!

alliesignature

 

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